He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
