I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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