Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
