My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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