When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize