You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
