You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
