Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
