I didn't shave. On purpose
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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