Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize