just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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