I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
