It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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