If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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