We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
