ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
