I am puke
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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