bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
