I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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