found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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