remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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