I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
