Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
