Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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