I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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