And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation