The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything