You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit