So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's get the cat blown out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize