How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
