Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
