I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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