It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
