Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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