Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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