ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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