I think i peed on brittanys purse
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
