Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
