I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send help, water and tortillas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
