no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
