STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
