You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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