honey bunches of taint.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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