I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
