oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize