Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
