She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
