What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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