so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
