I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
