I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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