You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
