; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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