you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
