I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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