I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
