i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Fuck appropriateness.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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