question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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