So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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