i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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