Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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