i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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