I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
